Crime

Crime jokes

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.

What's the similarity between pedophiles and school shooters?

They both shoot when they see kids.

Why do orphans become criminals when they grow up? Because they want to be wanted.

Whoever stole my Microsoft Office account, I'll make you pay. You have my word!

I just saw people writing "Zoophile," "Ailurophile," and "Dendrophilia" in their bios. I thought this was cool, but when I wrote "Necrophile" and "Pedophile," I don't know why people started hating me as if I did something wrong. I was just trying to be cool like them, man.

There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!

This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"

I replied, "I done it as a joke."

-April 1, 2020

Biden: My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said, "That's a pretty big word for a 9-year-old!"

A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."