Crime jokes
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!
Q: How do you know it's time for bed at the Neverland Ranch? A: When the big hand touches the little hand.
Q: What is the difference between Michael Jackson & Neil Armstrong? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson f@ck$ little kids in the a$$!
Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
Why is 4/20 such an epic date?
Because it's weed day, Columbine, AND Hitler's birthday;)
What would you like as your last meal?
Fried chicken. Extra crispy.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.
I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.
My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.