Crime jokes
What would you like as your last meal?
Fried chicken. Extra crispy.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?
They just wash up on shore.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite toy?
Wet 6-year-old balls.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What do you call an Indian eating cows? Mooove to jail.
I put this joke so the amount of jokes will be 69. Also, I have 50 kids in my basement. I fed "Twinkies" last night.
My dad in 9/11; he was the best pilot.
What were my final words to Putin before I put a bullet through his head?
Answer: Putin, put out!
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
The emo kid's mom went to jail because the kid was hung.
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
Why do my parents not love me? Because I've fucked 12 dogs and 7 minors while they were watching!
I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and roared, "Hot wheels!"
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
What do you call a gangster involved with anime? A Cuz-Player.
What do you call a terrorist that can fly?
A dart.