Crime jokes
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
I threw a kid in a wheelchair into a fire... I called him hot wheels.
Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.
So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
What do you call a large lamp that does illicit things to young children?
A Jacko Lantern!
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
What is the best feeling for an orphan when he plays Grand Theft Auto?
When he is wanted!
Wow, he stole my antidepressant toy. The next day, he was on the ground.
If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?
What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?
C4.