Crime jokes
Everyone else seems to have met my dad. I only have the mugshots.
Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?
A. There was a daycare on the other side.
I never touched kids, just women, but since I was famous, they were fine with it.
Why do most clips for automatic weapons have 32 bullets?
That's usually how many kids are in a classroom.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
I put a pipe bomb in an orphanage. 🤡🤡
Okay class, who can tell me who the fastest readers are?
The pilots of 9/11 went through the Twin Towers, 6 in 3 seconds.
A priest and a child molester walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
Today my ex got hit by a bus.
I also lost my job as a bus driver.
Why did the hooker fall in love? Stockholm syndrome.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
First of all, if a woman sues Bill Cosby for drugging and rape 50 years ago, and she could still remember it, it couldn't have been all bad.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
Are you suicidal? Remember, if you ever feel unwanted, just check to see your warrants.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
I threw a kid in a wheelchair into a fire... I called him hot wheels.