Crime jokes
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
The bakery I worked at got robbed. They demanded the dough; apparently, it couldn't be baked first.
My life #freemymanrkelly
Did you hear about the Boston marathon? 'Cause, well, I heard it was a blast and that it blew everyone away!
What was the last thing to go through the terrorist's mind? The detonator.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
The hooker can wash out her crack and reuse it.
Did you hear about the two people who stole a calendar?
They each got six months.
What are the differences between a preschool and a pedophile's basement? Little kids leave preschool.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.
The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."
"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."
"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."
Someone raped my ear, now I have hearing aids.
Santa and Bill Cosby's favorite quote: "Don't be dumb, make sure they're numb, and always use a condom!"
If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.
What was the guitar teacher arrested for? Stringing a minor.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
How many times can 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out.
I dropped my phone the other day when a guy picked up my phone and started to put it in his pocket.
I said, "Hey, that's my phone," and he said, "First of all, my name isn't 'Hey', it's Jay. Second of all, it's an iPhone, not a 'myPhone'. Get it right."
Your dad never needed a van for you.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.