Crime jokes
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
What's a convict's favorite song?
"I want to break free."
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?
Alien vs. Predator.
I did 9/11 here's proof https://youtu.be/BVH73TonuG8
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"
The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"
The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"
The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"
The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"
What is black and blue and really hates sex?
The six-year-old in my basement.
I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.
Why did 7 kill 11?
Because now 7 was even.
"Ya tryna run? Hop in the van."
Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.
"Muffin Man, Muffin Man, he's gonna rape you in his van."
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane.
Do you know the murderer, The murderer, the murderer, Do you know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
Yes, I know the murderer, The muffin man, the murderer, Yes, I know the murderer, Who lives on Dreary Lane?
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Police arrested a man who dropped his phone in the ocean. The was charged with a salt in battery.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!