Crime jokes

What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.

What do you do when an orphan gets you mad?

A stab to the neck and a bullet to the face.

What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?

Sherlock Bones!

What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?

Madeline McCann's bike.

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

How did the necrophiliac get caught?

Some rotten cunt split on him....

I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.

When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.

A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

How are babies and the elderly similar?

They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.

A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink.

What's worse than 5 babies in a dumpster?

5 dumpsters in a baby.

I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I know a pedophile,

And he says he knows you.

Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?

A. Neither does R. Kelly.

Why did the skeleton go to jail?

Because he was bad to the bone!