Crime jokes
What do you call the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones!
What’s pink, rusty, and covered in cobwebs?
Madeline McCann's bike.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.
When it's been Halloween for a few months, but there's still a body hanging from your neighbor's tree.
A man enters the bank and says, "Hi, I'm robbing you!" The man was arrested instantly.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
A priest, a pedophile, and a rapist walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink.
What's worse than 5 babies in a dumpster?
5 dumpsters in a baby.
I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know a pedophile,
And he says he knows you.
Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?
A. Neither does R. Kelly.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
What's a convict's favorite song?
"I want to break free."
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pedophile? There isn't a difference.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?
Alien vs. Predator.