Crime jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
Why did the vegetable go to jail?
He kaled a man and stole a 9-carat gold bar.
I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.
See you later, crocodile.
In a while, pedophile.
Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, both had Bacardi rum. When Jill's was gone, she wanted Jack's, that's why she took it from him.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
I'm in the alagba association. Call 666-666-666 to join the gang. It's free and free kills duidui.
I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
She said no, so I raped her.