Crime jokes
My dad is Al-Qaeda, and he even took a plane trip to New York in 2001.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
Two boys were playing cards on a picnic table outside the school. Both of the boys had revolvers hidden in their waistband.
Now, one of the boys was a notorious cheater, who liked to hide his cards in his waistband. Recess was just about to end, when all the kids heard a loud bang erupt from the picnic table. In tears, the card player admitted that he had shot the other card player, stating "I played a King, and he started reaching for his waistband!"
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
How did the guy rob the water park?
He used a water gun!
LOL 💦🔫💧🌊
Why did the homeless man stop to help the kids cross the street?
To get them into his van.
Why did the pedo stop to help the little kids cross the street?
To get them in his van.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape alarm?
Optimistic.
What's the difference between Madeline McCann and Batman?
Batman returns.
What's the difference between genocide and mass murder?
Genocide is racist.
My ex died in an anchorage accident.
She always was a sleeping hooker.
What do you call a black man with a gun? A gangsta.
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...
What's the difference between a pile of dead bodies and a computer?
I don't know, I have both!
When they walk in and you're fucking... everyone at the morgue.
Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.
The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.
Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard!
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
What do you call a fat man with a rape whistle? Hogan!