Crime jokes
My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.
He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."
How to get rich:
Step 1: Tell an orphan he will get a family.
Step 2: Knock out the orphan.
Step 3: Cut open the orphan.
Step 4: Well there [are] organs.
Step 5: Do it again.
And nobody will call the cops 'cause they got no family.
What are some other names for rape? There’s the classic “struggle snuggle,” but then there’s my personal favorite “fuck fight”.
What similarities do peeping Toms and spies share?
They both see things they shouldn't.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.
What do you call the Gray Man in an electric chair? Fried Fish.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
What's worse than ants down your pants? Michael Jackson.
Why did Michael Jackson get away with it? Because he's a smooth criminal.
Man 1: Knock knock.
Man 2: Who's there?
Man 1: Ice.
Man 2: Ice who?
Man 1: I crushed your head.
Joke: CookVR
There is one rapist among us.