Crime jokes

I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.

When you turn 100, you get a letter from the Queen. When you turn 16, you get a DM from Prince Andrew.

If you kill someone, that's murder.

If you kill a family member, that's still murder.

If you kill a child, that's "child abuse."

Why didn't the 6th of Jan go well? Cause the shitty Trump supporters didn't carry out the damn job correctly and let the president down. Also, hang Mike Pence!

When babies kick their mother, it's okay, but when I do it, it's a crime...

Name one person who would take an orphan?

Michael Jackson, so they can play all night.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

Roses are red, violets are blue, give me free OnlyFans so I don't touch the youth.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Bill Cosby will pudding rape you.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Jared from Subway touches the youth.

There were two sisters. They said they were supporting nine eleven, so I shot one of the sister's kneecaps, and the other sister got shot in the head.

The man was Indian. He moved to England because he wanted to learn, so got a job at the store. He learned how to say "register," then he was a business man. He learned how to say "59887," then "restaurant," so he learned how to say "fork and knives." So a man came with a knife. The cop came and asked the man which was the killer who killed him. He said, "Him," and pointed to the Indian man. The cop asked, "What did you use?" He said, "Register." The cop asked for ID. "59887." The cop asked, "Anything on you, forks and knife?" He said, "Me me me."

I'm not looking for consent, I'm looking for cooperation!

I'm so poor that when robbers break into my house,

they bring me things. <_>

Not a joke: one of George Floyd's criminal friends shot his grand-niece as they wanted a piece of the 27 million dollars.

Kidnapper: Hey kid, your mom told me to follow me.

Orphan: But I don't have a mom!

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

How do you get away with murder?

How do you get away with rape?

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!