Crime jokes
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
What’s harder than steel?
Michael Jackson in a playground.
What kind of shoes does a kidnapper wear?
White vans.
A man is being sued for raping a deaf girl. The judge, showing his pinky:
"You should be ashamed, man, your conscience is even smaller than that!"
The girl, showing her arm:
"Mhhhmmhmm, mhhmhm!"
P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?
P2: I don't know.
P1: Wow, you sick fuck!
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
What's the difference between a dead hooker and a watermelon?
The watermelon didn't scream when I sliced it.
Therapist just mean the-rapist.
The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.
When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.
She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."
A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.
Why do orphans love GTA?
Because they are actually wanted!
You get on an elevator and you find the Pope and Donald Trump cowering from two snarling wolves. In your hand you find a revolver with only two bullets in it... what do you do?
You shoot the Pope and the Donald each in a leg and exit the elevator at the next stop.
You know what the worst thing about gang rape is?
Having to wait your turn.
A: Knock knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Package from Ted Kaczynski.
B: Package from Te-?
A: BOOM!
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?
Ask him to tell a rape joke.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021