Crime jokes
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."
What is orange and will soon be wearing prison orange? Trump.
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
Ejaculated in her braces, call that children behind bars.
How can you tell when a female became a rape victim? She crossed herself out, hanging by with a Carlton dry.
How can you tell when a female was raped? She crossed herself out.
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
A child molester and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
What do you call a bank robbery with MrBeast?
A donation team.
Why was Liverpool better than Man United? We won 5-0, and you have a sex offender on your team.
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
Why was the belt arrested?
It held up a pair of pants.
Girl, are you a public school? Because I want to shoot my kids inside you.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just hacked the "chrime."
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
Why don't pirates take a bath before walking the plank?
'Cause they just wash up onshore.
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)