What do you call an ass that’s a DETECTIVE?
An undercover pooper.
Crime Jokes
What's the difference between life and a rape joke?
Life fucks you until you stop breathing, a rape joke fucks you until it's not funny anymore.
How does the cop respond to being called racist?
He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."
Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?
My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
Me: Brings in missing child.
Police: OMG this kid has been missing for 3 months. Here is your reward.
Me: Oh, cool.
NEXT DAY
Me: Brings in 8 other kids.
Police :0 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If a dog is white with black spots, then it is 90% great and 10% guilty because it half way starts crimes and is a mistake to the world and is punished by the white dogs that are full white and not mixed colors.
Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
A child and a child molester walk into a forest together. The child turns to the molester and says, "Boy, these woods are scary." The molester says to the child, "You think you're scared? I have to walk out of here alone."
Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?
Bring them young.
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."
Why did the rapper go to school?
To improve his rap sheet!
Shit! My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs! I've been his customer for 4 years, but I had no idea he was a barber.
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
"Officer, I drop kicked that child in self-defense." -Techno
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
