Crime jokes
A priest, Kelly Clarkson, and Ian Watkins all walk into a bar... only for the bartender to exclaim, "We don't serve your kind around here!" Then he muttered in a low voice, "Fucking paedos."
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
What do gay men and drug dealers have in common?
They both get a lot of crack.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday?
Returning to the scene of the crime.
What's a pedo's favorite snack?
Sour Patch Kids.
I went fishing with my grandpa, and my fishing line caught the attention of a school of fish. I told him to get my gun.
A black man said, "Where are the young ones?"
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
Why couldn’t the booty stay calm?
Because it was on crack.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar.
He orders a beer.
I like my wine like my women:
16 and in my basement.
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
How many times does 50 fit into 9?
Get in a van and find out!
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
What is a terrorist's favorite song?
"Pumped Up Kicks."
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.