Crime jokes
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
What is a pedophile's favorite age range?
9-11.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.
So I sold them.
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?
OJ couldn’t kill cancer.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?
"Just Beat It."
Why is Jeffrey Epstein so bad at races?
Because he comes in a little behind.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.
Nothing much, I just decided to go home.
What did Bill Cosby say on the second date?
"Hi, nice to meet you."
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.