Cousin Jokes

Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.

They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.

My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"

I told him, "Probably a bullet."

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

You'll never be lonely at cousinsonly.com.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.

I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"

She started crying.

Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?

I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.

I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.

Signs my cousin is going places when he's older:

TEST QUESTION: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

He wrote: "At the bottom of the page."

Smart kid!

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?

At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.

I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.

My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."