Cousin jokes
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣
some say lil durk and king von were friend's, but others say they were cousin's. HELP ME OUT which is it.
My girlfriend broke up with me today, but it’s ok.
She said we can still be cousins.
Sex has no feeling with our cousin. Because both are relative.
I don't need a girlfriend, 'cause I got my cousin, bro.
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit-faced.
Almost closing time, "Brother, you gonna snag?"
"Yeah, I'm taking her home."
He walks over, she gathers her things. Walking out together, he takes her to his car outback. They stay messing around then start having sex. He starts to get carried away. He looks down at her. She looks up at him and says, "Slow down, cousin, you're going too fast..."
My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
Cousin: Hey, is that an octopus?
Me: Yes, what, it is just an octopus.
Cousin: Oh yeah, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Octopus touch me!
Me: What, it is just one..... ummmmm dad cousin d[id].
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alabama.
Alabama who?
Alabama your cousin.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.
I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.