I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.
The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
My cousin just broke up with her boyfriend, and I told her, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of his stuff."
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
I took my sister and cousin to a sleepover with lil Diddy, who my dad's friend has connections with.
I think the experience went fine, but they were traumatized. We got what we wanted.
What do sex and food have in common?
My sister makes it better than my cousin.
What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?
At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.
I was looking at our Human Services Minister and thinking I'm surprised he's married.
The things you do for your cousins!
Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.
Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.
Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.
The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"
The second said: "I'd do it for free!"
The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"
The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"
Every time my cousin and I, we settle it out with our game, so we play rock paper scissors. 😂🤣🤣
I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂
I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You slept with my cousin but I did too.
My cousin’s friend spelled “racist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
I feel wrong. What does this make us?
Still cousins.
