Country jokes

The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.

Yo, if Russia comes to the USA, just know their reboot cards don't expire.

I asked an American if their national anthem was "Pumped Up Kicks."

What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.

Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?

Because they need parents' signature.

Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?

They didn't because they ate it.

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.

When are you from Iowa? You know!!! 🚗

Where did George go?

Washington, D.C.

Why doesn't Mexico win any medals in the summer Olympics anymore?

Because all the Mexicans that can run, swim, or jump are already here.

What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?

The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.

What is Mexicans' favorite sport?

Cross-country.

Americans live in the U.S.A. The quiet kids live in the U.Z.I.

What do you call a country who needs another race just to be the best country in sports?

America.

What is China's favorite restaurant?

The Pet Store.

What do you call the United States of America under a Joe Biden presidency?

Answer: The Democratic People’s Socialist States of America. We're still America, just a different kind of America. And that’s no joke. 😔

Teacher: Describe Ukraine history in 3 words?

Student: Ukraine is history!

U.S.A: No Queen?

England: No towers?

Canada is the Keanu Reeves of countries. Too bad the US is the Kanye West of countries instead of the Dolly Parton of countries.