there was man, who had just moved from a foreign country. he just moved into his apartment, and was watching his favorite TV shows. the first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him "sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. the man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." the cop said, "sir, what did you use." and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives." after that, the cop said, "sir, im going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" the screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"
This isn't a joke but in some countries children eat their shit for better digestion when constipated
Heres a Song That Describes My Old Life-By-watersharky Productions- My buddies think I'm on the lake Boss thinks I've been sick for days And mama's probably on her way 'Cause I ain't picked up the phone I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Took a trip down memory lane Checked into hotel heartbreak Passed rock bottom on the way Without leaving my living room I've been a million places But they're all up in my head Over-drinking, overthinking ever since you left I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone Yeah I've been gone All the clothes are on the floor All the mail's by the door All the whiskey bottles in my bed All the dishes in the sink All the gas is in the tank All the neighbors probably think I'm dead I've been gone, I've been gone I've been sittin' on the couch watching TV all day long All day long, I've been tryin' to figure out how a good thing went wrong Faster than that freight train, farther than that airplane Sadder than a country song Headed down that highway, anywhere but my way Ever since you moved on, I've been gone (ooh, ooh) I've been gone (ooh, ooh) Gone
An Asian man walks into a bar in Australia. The bartender says to him “why are you here? Get back in that wing wong country”. The Asian man says “I’m here travelling and now I’m gonna attack you with my 40 gallons of friend rice I’ve had in my pocket since wa dinowar wages. #wingwong
I can’t remember if I already said this or not I might of already said this also this is a true story. So I’m walking into a store in Amish country and there’s this guy with a bear trap then my moms friend says this guys gonna catch some bears then the Amish guy stop looks around and whispers “it’s for democrats”
Yo mama so fat the country of Russia isn't big enough to house her
1. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied: "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!" 2. "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." 3. A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said, "Sure, just a second." 4. Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?" Policeman: "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations." Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average." Policeman: "About a gallon." 5. A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?" 6. My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year." 7. After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside. 8. My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend. 9. The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires... She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!" I responded, "Inflation." 10. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."
“What’s your name?”
“Am erica”
“No i asked for your name, not your country”
Penalties. Tap ins. Ghosting. Diving.
Long ago, the four lived together in harmony. Then, everything changed when the Germans attacked. Only Penaldo, master of all four elements, could stop them, but when his country needed him most, he vanished.
Want to know something good about people giving ZERO fucks about you, and living in the country? Everybody knows nothing.
A whale went to the country Wales for vacation. When it ended, what did he say? "I had a whale of a time!"
n 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio. Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States. “Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked. His father pointed at a map of North America. “Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his father. The man pointed towards the Soviet Union. “And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?” The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British. “Where is Germany again, Father?” He pointed to their home country in Central Europe. Hans pondered this information for a second. “One last question, Father.” “Yes?” “Has Hitler seen this map?”
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden, and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she found herself soon homeless, begging for food or money to survive.
She used to occupy a street next to a theater; not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her; every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well, that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every tuesday - just to keep her spirits up.
One tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story, and decided to share his fortune.
Gentleman: I work as a magician in the touring show - today we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate - but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin.
Maishah The poo comes from an old bathroom in a country starting with b
37. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!" Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time".
38. An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold." His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?" The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."
39. A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?" The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes!" "Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Didn't know how fast you could walk".
40. A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?" Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him." Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason." Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?" The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?"
