Country jokes

Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!

We are going to a country called Bangkok. When we are there, we will Bangkok.

What's India's favorite font?

Comic Sanskrit.

What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?

You get no-eye-deer.

Why don't gay men perform anilingus on each other in Greece?

Because anilingus is against the law in Greece.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.

In England, for every church, there are two pubs.

In Poland, for every pub, there are two churches.

You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.

You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."

Hell hates freezers, England, and soccer.

Don't bother; just try to live in England.

You wanna talk Kenya ;)

Your hairline is so far back that it made every country on earth disappear.

What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?

Cross-country.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.

China has a population of a billion people. One billion.

That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.

What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?

Mountain Dew.

What's the difference between a chicken and a dog?

I don't know... I'm from China.

Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.

The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.

The guys show up and the guards shoot them.

The guys die because the guards used real guns.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Jets versus towers, USA lost two.