Construction jokes
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
What happens when a cow farm gets destroyed, then built up again?
It'll be udder renovation!
Why can't orphans play House Flipper?
'Cause they don't know what to do.
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?
They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.
That dam looks damn cool!
Never trust stairs, they're always up to something.
How are urinals made?
They get installed.
My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
What did the builder say after the foundation?
"Employees!"
Disabled people can help the world to get a printed copy of "Leaning Tower of Pisa," exactly leaned at an angle.
What’s the difference between a brick and redheads? Bricks get laid.
Your mama so fat, she filled up Minecraft's block limit! lol XD
There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?
Home Depot.
What do you call an orphan at a construction site?
Child labor.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.