Conflict jokes

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

When you kill people in a war, it's perfectly fine, but when it's a school, everyone has a problem with it, wth.

What do you call a Taliban in a bath bomb?

Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.

Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?

He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.

What is the difference between a redhead and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist!

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

I don't beat up midgets.

That would be punching down.

Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.

Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?

Because they had a fight, and 2021.

How do you break up a fight between two gay men?

Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"

What is a terrorist's first move in chess?

C4.

"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

I could have sworn while watching anime I saw an American Boeing B-29 Superfortress in the background dropping bombs!

Me: "The villain has a point, you know."

Everyone else watching the WW2 documentary:

Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?

He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.

My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."

I heard World War 50000000 in my parent's room.