Conflict jokes

So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.

Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.

Me: Cool, what rank of officer?

Jim: SS.

Me:...

The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!

Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!

Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.

Anyone know about the war? It's not Russia we should hate, it's Putin that we should. 🙄🤪💅

America saying they are more stupid. Russia saying they are more stupid = the stupidest war.

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).

My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.

Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.

What do you call six gay men at war? Rainbow Six Siege.

Fuck Jewkraine!

Ukraine (🇺🇦) vs Russia (🇷🇺), place your bets!

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!

Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?

A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

Three Nazis walk into a bar.

Why are Germans so good at cleaning?

They have experience in ethnic cleansing.

Why are we still fighting in darkness?

"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.