Conflict jokes

War isn't about who's right. It's about who's left.

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

If you're in a roast battle with a homophobe and they are talking mad shit, just say:

"The only thing looser than your mouth is your asshole!"

What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Why did Hitler die? He got hit by 'ler'.

What if you put a scared homosexual guy and an angry homophobic guy inside a stable?

Hmm, let's see, if the homosexual guy has some good luck, maybe he will meet a super unicorn and help him out to defeat the angry homophobic guy :D

Why were the twin towers fighting?

Because they ordered pepperoni but got plain.

Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.

Why are Nazis so good at soccer?

Because they're so good at shooting.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Ukraine will go puff.

If WW3 starts, I do, in fact, belong in the kitchen.

Russia vs. Ukraine is the ultimate CS:GO match ever!

Ukraine vs. Russia is CS:GO live the movie!

Bro, WW2 was just a joke.

How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.

Women be like men cause wars, [but] forget men fight those wars while they fake cry.

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

Science flew us to the moon.

Religion flew us into two skyscrapers.