I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.
Comparison Jokes
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.
You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.
Your mama so fat, Jupiter is smaller than her.
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
What is the difference between you and my dad?
Nothing.
The egg that beat Kylie Jenner.
Your hairline is like Mr. Clean's... nonexistent!
Q. What's the difference between Trump and a piece of shit? A. Shit isn't orange.
I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-
What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?
Nothing, they both can’t breathe.
What number is better than 69?
88 'cause you get ate twice.
What’s the difference between a penis and a golf ball?
A penis always goes in the hole.
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
Yo, your hairline so messed up God said your hairline on the cross getting hit on that cross.
Your mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said, "To be continued."
Yo momma's armpits are so hairy, it looks like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.
