Comparison jokes

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.

The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.

What's the difference between a baby and a ball?

If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.

You think my face is ugly? Yours is more.

What's the different between Stephen Hawking and Rocket League? Both of them can't stand up.

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?

Your hairline is like Mr. Clean's... nonexistent!

Yo mama's teeth so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter!

You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."

Your forehead is damn big, Walt was jealous of you.

Your hairline is more bent than James Charles' gender.

What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?

A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

You make Sanic look like a PRINCESS when he's next to you.

Your forehead is so big that your name is Humpty Dumpty, the big forehead!

You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.

Yo mama so far, she makes the Statue of Freedom look like a 6-inch action figure.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

I thank God that I'm not as ugly as you.

Your mama so fat, Jupiter is smaller than her.

Q: I often think I'm ugly, but then I think of my sister and get over it.