Comparison jokes
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.
I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.
If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.
If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.
I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...
If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.
I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.
If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.
I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.
If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.
I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.
My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.
I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.
I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.
I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.
I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.
I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.
My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.
Help me....
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What's longer than a penis?
About anything.
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.