Comparison jokes

Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.

Head look like a mf gorilla pop.

I'm better than you in every single way... I even have an extra chromosome.

What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.

Your maw *microsoft shutting down noise*

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

I like my girls like I like my wine.

12 years old and locked in my basement.

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.

What's the difference between a boy and gold?

More people want gold.

There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.

At least Stephen Hawking does something.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.