Comparison jokes

The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.

I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?

What is the difference between a rapist and a dictionary?

One of them knows the definition of no.

What is the difference between a wheelchair and a walker?

What is the difference between a human and human rights, and a tree tree, and a house that has to?

Damn, bitch, you got a big ass for a head!

Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.

What is the difference between a tree and walking home from a wheelchair?

How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Are you a toaster? 'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

Are you a knife? 'Cause you make me wanna KMS.

Are you a painting? 'Cause I hang you.

Are you the flu? 'Cause you make me wanna hurl.

Are you a newspaper? 'Cause you have new problems every day.

Are you the ground? 'Cause I'm six feet deep in you ;)

You're so ugly, even Smara gets jealous.

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

What is the difference between a human and a burger?

What's the difference between my imaginary friend and God?

None.

They're both imaginary.

What is the difference between a human and a magic house, and what do I have for dinner?

I once had a cat that reminded me of Doug Ford.

Fat, mean, and probably inbred.

What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I thought Voldemort was ugly, but then I met you.

What's the difference between a Lambo and a pile of dead kids?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.