Comparison jokes

There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.

At least Stephen Hawking does something.

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One's plastic and dangerous to play with; the other is to carry groceries.

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What’s the difference between an alligator and a child?

You can’t abuse an alligator.

I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.

Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.

What's the difference between a grape and an elephant?

I don't know, what?

They are both purple except for the elephant.

What's the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

I laughed at their chalk outline.

Q: What's the difference between an egg and me?

A: An egg gets laid.

What's the difference between Vikkstar and a tree?

Nothing. They're both hollow on the inside and brown on the outside.

Ku cina Na xidludla swifana no push refrigerator. 😂😂

Whats the difference between NASA and religion

NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers

What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.

I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....