Comparison jokes
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck if my computer crashes.
I like my couches like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.
What is the difference between McDonald's and 9/11?
McDonald's has a drive-through. Twin Towers has a fly-through.
What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One of them you'll see in a while, and the other one you'll see later.
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What's longer than a penis?
About anything.
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.