Comparison jokes
What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.
What's the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
what's the difference between a feminist and a knife?
one has a point.
Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?
Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you."
Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
Q: What is Trump?
A: An oversized oompa loompa.
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
Decisions taken by world leaders often have great significance during a crisis.
The Americans, in particular, are suffering many losses during the current global pandemic. Remember, in the 1980's they had Ronald Reagan, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope.
In 2020 they have Donald Trump, no Cash, and no Hope!
My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
Circumcision is like getting your dick sucked by a female. If you did not like it when you were a teenager, you probably will not like it when you become an adult.
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
What has more brains than a student in a school shooting? The wall behind them.
What’s the difference between 1000 used tires and 1000 used condoms?
One's a good year and one's a great year.