Comparison jokes
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
What's the difference between America and a bottle of milk?
In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
Tell a woman she's beautiful a hundred times, and she won't believe you. Tell a woman she's fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
What is the difference between butter and a blonde? - Butter is difficult to spread.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.