Comparison jokes
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What's the difference between a fish and a car?
You can tune a car... but you can't TUNA fish! x3
What is the difference between a Porsche and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What is the difference between a bag of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage. :)
Your mum is so fat Les Dawson would agree with me that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand, she throws it.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
My short friend called me a scrub, even though he was the one below me.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.
What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Atoms are small, But so are you!
What's the difference between a Mexican and a book?
The book has papers.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?
The microwave doesn't brown the meat.
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
A painting only takes one nail to be hanged.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?
"To be and not to be."
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? -- The tea bag stays longer in a cup.