Comparison jokes
A mirror and a terrorist are the same... Only... a mirror doesn't need a gun to kill.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What's the difference between a Demon and a Redhead?
The Demon at least has a trade offer.
How can you compare a gay prostitute to Pacman?
They both get paid to eat 200 balls!
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
What's the difference between a baby and garlic bread? I feel bad when I drop garlic bread.
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
What's the difference between a plane and a woman?
At least the plane doesn't give you herpes when it crashes at your place.
What's longer than a penis?
About anything.
What’s the difference between a teenage girl and a cat? One’s a psycho and the other is a cat.
Why did the octopus cry?
Because his mum said he looked like Johnny Depp.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
What's the difference between a baby and a ball?
If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
My ex.
Yo mama like a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everybody’s pants.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.