Comparison jokes
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Who are the fastest readers in the world? The 9/11 terrorists went through like 78 stories in 7 seconds.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
what's the difference between a baby and an onion?
I cry when I chop up an onion.
What does Adam look like?
The fat ginger baby of Boss Baby.
What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?
The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby?
Both of their legs don't work.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
What’s weaker than a daffodil? Mundy’s ankles.
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What is the same with a duck and a bicycle? The handlebars--oh, except for the duck.
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.
People are like trees...
They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.