Comparison jokes
You know a baby bottle looks kinda like a penis... Also sausage and hotdogs too.
What's the difference between Hitler and Logan Paul? At least Hitler had respect for the Japanese!
Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
I hate this website. It's retarded and 4chan is better.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?
One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil? One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning...
People are like trees...
If you hit them with an ax multiple times, they'll fall over.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?
They both look good hanging from a tree.