Commitment jokes

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....

A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.

Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:

1. USA was NEVER invaded!

2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!

3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!

4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.

5. We have more allies than you.

6. We are smaller but stronger.

7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!

Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.

Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?

Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.

My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.

Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.

Why did the person go to jail?

He committed a crime.

A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.

Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"

Dad: Son, I came back.

Son: Where is the milk?

Dad: Time for another 10 years.

My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Mary."

"Mary who?"

"Marry me!"

I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.

Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.

Mom: Son, did you go to school?

Son: What if I said yes?

Mom: You are in school! *slap*

Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.

Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(

Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.

Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!

Son: Good.

Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?

If you like it, please commit down.

Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?

To commit suicide.

At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.

My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.

I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.