Commitment jokes

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?

Marriage.

You wanna hear a joke?

Two Emos hanging out under a tree.

How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!

Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.

Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?

It was called Fall-adelphia.

Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?

Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.

The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.

"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"

"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.

The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?

Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....

A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.