Commitment jokes

This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.

A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."

Q: Why is marriage not a word?

It's a life sentence!

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

When you want to commit suicide, just say "Allahu Akbar," there will definitely be a blast.

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

You wanna hear a joke?

Two Emos hanging out under a tree.

How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!

What is the craziest thing an Indian man does for sex?

Marriage.

Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.

Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?

It was called Fall-adelphia.

I’m the type to join a cult unknowingly, but get too lazy to commit to it.

Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"

I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?

Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?

Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!

When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.