Commitment jokes
Go commit neck rope.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Vegan Teacher the musical.
Miss Kadie - "Oh no, you poor dead animal!"
Mr. Beast- 🎶 "You're a dumb Communist, Miss Kadie" 🎶
Chandler-🎵 "Yup, you're one high fluting son of a gun" 🎵
Mr. Beast- 🎵 "I just gobbled up a quadruple patty from my restaurant" 🎵
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "Don't hurt animals kids, do you want to be a vegans 'R' us kid?" 🎵
Kids- 🎵 "We've had enough of your problems, Miss Kadie, you're such a commie!"
Miss Kadie - 🎵 "I just want to die because I'm so sad!"
- Miss Kadie jumps off Mr. Beast Burger and commits suicide.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It’s just a rental.
Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Go commit Thanos finger snap.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
Why does the orphan commit suicide to join the other side to see their parents?
I’m the type to join a cult unknowingly, but get too lazy to commit to it.
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.