What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
Don't commit suicide, that would make DJUNGELSKOG sad!
Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?
Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
One day a man buys a rope to commit suicide, but his friend stops him.
They go to a school with lots of happy kids. The guy feels better after a mag.
There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
