Commitment jokes
How do you get a transwoman to commit suicide?
Use he/him pronouns on him.
I’m the type to join a cult unknowingly, but get too lazy to commit to it.
Q: Why is marriage not a word?
It's a life sentence!
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
Don't commit suicide, that would make DJUNGELSKOG sad!
Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?
Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.