Commitment jokes
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
When a redhead commits a mass shooting, does the headline read, "Ginger snaps"?
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
What do you call it when Panera Bread commits genocide?
Panera bloodshed.
Don't commit suicide, that would make DJUNGELSKOG sad!
Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Through highs and lows, I'll be here for you.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Why should you fear white people in prison instead of the blacks?
Because you know that whites are in for actually committing something.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
Balls deep.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.