Commitment jokes
When it's not just a phase and you kill yourself to prove it.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
Russians think they are tougher than Americans. Here are some reasons for the Russians out here reading this:
1. USA was NEVER invaded!
2. USA never commits as many war crimes as Russia does!
3. USA made the first nuclear weapon so yeah shove that up your ass, Russians!
4. Our soldiers don’t rape kids.
5. We have more allies than you.
6. We are smaller but stronger.
7. Random civilians in the USA have stronger guns than Russian military does!
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
NO!!! NOT WIFISKELETON!!!!!!
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.
Balls deep.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night? Museum girl: Committing suicide. Allan: What about Friday night?
Hugging Leo is a great way to commit suicide... you’d just drown in all her fatness.
If I wanted to commit suicide, I would climb up to your ego, and then jump down to your IQ.
Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
A depressed kid was stuck on a tree, and a man saw the kid.
Man: "Hang in there! I'm gonna get some help!"
Two minutes later, the kid literally did what the guy said.
RIP Daniel Kyre from Cyndago (July 6, 1994-September 18, 2015)
Daniel committed suicide five years ago today......
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
Wife: Honey, I love you.
Husband: I love you all.
Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!