Commitment Jokes

this guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named how to commit suicide he never returned it

A guy told a beautiful girl "hey I want to make love to you if I throw 2000$ when you go to pick it up that's when I'll go is that okay?" She called her husband and he said "okay but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down" Four hours later she shows up to her house and tell her husband "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS"

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. my friends do. one person never does any of his homework.

eventually we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly commit suicide.

If you were to ask me: "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?", I would say a multi-storey car park. Because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well I have! I was wrongfully accused of larsiny yesterday, im not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.m

You wanna hear a joke?

2 Emo's hanging out under a tree🤣🤣🤣🤣

How many Emo's does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time 🤣🤣🤣🤣

which city holds the record for the most sucides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building? it was called fall-adelphia.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Why would you shoot up an innocent school.... If your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?

I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?

AHOY SPONGEBOB! I JUST COMMITED HOMICIDE IN SYRIA, AND THE ONE-PARTY STATE IS AFTER ME FUCKING ASS! ARGAGAGAGAGAGA!

me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”

"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth including an increase in child abuse" said the village priest. The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media. "Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!" "Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey". they reported

The village priest is living at his majesties convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.

"Why is this a joke, its not even funny?" Said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.

What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?