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Jokes
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Commitment memes

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Suicide

Anonymous · 2 years ago

A still from a movie shows a man holding a gun to another man's head, with the text above the image reading, "The punishment for trying to commit suicide in North Korea is death." The man holding the gun is labeled, "North Korean govt." and the man with the gun to his head is labeled, "North Korean citizen." The text on the bottom of the image reads, "Drop the gun... or else, I'll shoot."

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Job

Nintendo Fan · 1 year ago

Four people are holding up signs that should say "Will you marry me?" but are out of order. The text above the image says "They had one job." A user commented below the image, "They are not asking."

Calvin

Thoughtless · 2 years ago

Remember when Calvin wanted to commit a school shooting?

A cartoon drawing on a sheet of notebook paper shows a boy named Calvin drawing himself in a tank. He draws himself firing the tank at a school building where kids are jumping out the window. Miss Wormwood comes to stop him. In the last panel, Calvin's teacher Miss Wormwood is shown taking a drawing from a student and making a comment about public schools.

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Toy

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image shows a B-52 Stratofortress taking off. The text on the image reads: "I am not a toy. I am not a Christmas present. I am a 100 year commitment. Please think hard before you give someone a B-52 Stratofortress this Christmas."

Company

TechPriestGotDrip · 3 years ago

Man I hate it when companies do this crap, now you can't commit toaster bath anymore

A silver toaster is floating in space with a galaxy background. Text is written over the image: "New waterproof toaster."

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9/11

Anonymous · 2 years ago

A screenshot of a Google search result for "who committed 9/11". The result shows Kanye West, labeled as an American rapper, along with two photos of him. At the bottom of the image the text "Scott Dudelson/FilmMagic" is visible.

Crime

Lustlos from Sw · 1 year ago

A tweet by derek guy @dieworkwear that reads: "i honestly dont know how rich ppl end up committing crimes. if i had even $500K, i would live so peacefully, mind my own business, wear my little outfits, and just feed birds."

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Dark Humor

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

An image showing a screenshot of an internet forum thread. The first post from an anonymous user, dated 02/17/18, includes an image of an anime character and several lines of text in a cutesy style. The text says: "Good morning! :D You are good and lovely. :3 You have the ability. ^w^ I love you. x3 *huggles tightly* *wuggles* (wuv + huggles) *boops your cheek, nose, and tummy tum tum*". The second post, a reply from another anonymous user a few minutes later, states: "Thank you, you've inspired me to finally commit suicide".

Coffee

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot of two Instagram posts. The first post, from user fatgirlhedonist, says "Idk who needs to hear this, but I switched from buying coffee every day to making it at home 2 years ago and I'm still not a millionaire." The second post, from user brianmstewart, is pinned and replies "I have studied the habits of millionaires. While it is a good step to save money by making coffee at home, have you considered supplementing your income by committing massive fraud?"

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Man

offensivegifsguy · 1 year ago

An animated man wearing a headset with a determined but strained expression. The text "Lock in!" is superimposed on the image.

Racist

Anonymous · 3 years ago

This happened many times in 2020-2021

The image is a two-panel meme using the Phil Swift Flex Tape format. The top panel shows a man labeled 'Democrats' happily standing next to a tank with a leak. The tank is labeled 'police in a republican state arrest somebody after they committed 3 murders'. The bottom panel shows a hand placing flex tape on a leak with the text 'he was black, they must be racist'.

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Boy

Heroin Monkey · 2 years ago

The image is a four panel meme, comparing math functions and social interactions. The first panel is labeled "Taking to my x" and contains a chat bubble saying "Hi, what's up". The second panel is labeled "Taking to my y" and contains the same chat bubble, but oriented vertically. The third panel is labeled "Taking to my cosin" and shows a sinusoidal wave graph with a chat bubble overlay. The fourth panel is labeled "Me and the boys getting a tan" and shows a graphic of four bird-like figures with a horizontal line below them and a chart on the left side. The last panel is labeled "Me committing arcsin" and shows a graph of a logarithmic arc. The website address boredpanda.com is at the bottom of the image.

War Crime

ur mom :3 · 1 year ago

it’s so fun

A white background with black text reading 'I' and then a red heart symbol, followed by more black text: 'committing war crimes on innocent families in war torn countries.'

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Star

The RĒAL RB · 1 year ago

NO!!! NOT WIFISKELETON!!!!!!

The image shows a screenshot of an article about the death of hyperpop artist Wifiskeleton who died at age 21 after a suicidal statement and haunting final livestream. The article states that he was reported dead by close friends, with the circumstances surrounding his death still largely unknown, except for fan reports and claims. Above the article, there is a picture of Wifiskeleton.

Dog

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A dog wearing glasses and a hat sits on the floor. The text on the image says, "Today is Thursday which means Dexter commits money laundering."

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Marriage

Thoughtless · 1 year ago

The image shows a conversation between the author and his aunt, with a shocked Pikachu image at the bottom. The aunt is telling him that tattoos are a lifetime commitment. The author responds, "unlike your marriage". Below it says "Everyone else at the family BBQ".

Suicide

Chris A. · 7 years ago

I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.

Commitment jokes