Commitment jokes
Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?
Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?
So he could be wanted.
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
Why did orphans want to commit a crime?
Because they wanted to see what it feels like to be wanted.
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
My friend committed suicide yesterday... At least he went out with a bang.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night? Museum girl: Committing suicide. Allan: What about Friday night?
Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
If a person shoots a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful, or is it murder?
Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.
I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.
My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.
Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?
Half of the class: *raises hand*
Teacher: ...
The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
I’m the type to join a cult unknowingly, but get too lazy to commit to it.