Commitment jokes
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead, one painted the walls and the other committed suicide by pressing ALT + F4.
Go commit neck rope.
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building? A cliffhanger.
What happens when a battery commits a crime? They get charged!
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
Mom: Son, did you go to school?
Son: What if I said yes?
Mom: You are in school! *slap*
Son: Mom, I am moving out and I am moving in with my girlfriend.
Mom: You are with...? Please don't move out =(
Son: Mom, stop! So what if I am moving out? I am moving into my girlfriend's home. It's only for school.
Mom: Well, you are kicked out of my home!
Son: Good.
Mom: I am sad now. Why did he move out?
If you like it, please commit down.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"
She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"
He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."
My girlfriend really wants me to get her pregnant so she would have a father figure in her life for once.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
I like to commit arson as a recreational activity, you?
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.
What do you call an emo committing suicide while filming it?
America's Funniest Home Videos.