Comedy jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
A cow with no front legs walking around?
Beef stroganoff.
Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Do you know Candice?
"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?
Sit down comedy.
You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.
You don't have dreams, you have movies.
A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.
I don't know, my friend did it.
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."
I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.
It didn't work.
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.
You know how 7 8 9? Why was ten scared? 'Cos he was in the middle of 9/11.
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
Why can't orphans go to movies?
There PG-13 movies.
Tongue Trick Sex: The Movie.
Not coming soon!
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"
What do you call a funny drink?
Punch!
Do you want to hear a joke?
Never mind, it’s too punny.
Man: Knock, knock...
Boy: Who's there?
Man: Bear...
Boy: Bear who?
Man: Bear bottom.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a truck.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Europe.
Europe who?
No, I'm not a poo, you're a poo.