Comedy jokes
This is the biggest joke ever - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5j-BH_WdBXdzeoOdG2v2dA
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
These jokes are so dark that they picked the cotton!
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
I hate writing dwarf jokes, but I normally keep them short.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.
I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...
Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?
Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza.
Manager: THAT'S IT! I'M KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE!
Me: You can't kick me out.
Manager: Why not? Huh?
Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.
Guys, can we stop this stupid drama? I just wanna post my "Doin' Your Mom" lyrics and funny jokes! Please stop it!
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat, she said nothing. So I brought her to Africa.
I was going to tell you a joke about a pencil, but now it is pointless.
What do you call a white guy who can actually dance? Jewish.
One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.
Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher: No, you can't fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door, put giraffe in, close door
Student: No! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No! The giraffe because He's in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student: The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher: She drowned?!
Student: No! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.
Why did Steven Hawking only tell one-liners?
Because he couldn't do standup.
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.
Why does Technoblade make orphan jokes?
'Cuz he's the Father!!!