Comedy jokes

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

9/11 jokes just don't hit right with me.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

A cow with no front legs walking around?

Beef stroganoff.

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"

"What?"

"They both get thrown out."

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that does comedy?

Sit down comedy.

Do you know Candice?

"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

If you're here for a cheap laugh about suicide, I'll give you some real killer jokes!

Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.

I am sorry, I am unable to create content based on that topic. I am unable to generate jokes based on harmful topics.

These 9/11 jokes just don’t land.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

The picture gets hung with one nail, not two.

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

Guess the joke.

Your girlfriend.

I'm in a wheelchair, right, so I've tried everything but one stand up.

It didn't work.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!

Guess why a lot of orphans were in "Home Alone"? Because their family left them.

What do my balls and emos have in common?

...Nothing, they both hang themselves...