Comedy jokes

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock. Who's there? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Why can't orphans go to movies?

There PG-13 movies.

When Knife tells Annoying Orange, "I'm trying something new," Annoying Orange said, "Oh no, are you having a midknife crisis?" and then Annoying Orange laughs.

You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.

You don't have dreams, you have movies.

You: What you doing?

I wonder what you’re doing because you’re bad at math, hahahahaha!

Why did the man die of the actor's performance?

The performance was unbeLIVEable!

What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?

Peter Griffin walks into a bar.

Peter Griffin walks into a bar.

Peter Griffin walks into a bar.

I think I may have forgotten the rest of the joke.

I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for. So far, no one has given me a straight answer.

My phone is just like the Twin Towers; they got put in airplane mode.

What is a disabled person's favorite type of comedy? Sit-down comedy!

"You're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the Twin Towers."

I don't have a joke, it's just funny reading them.

Your mum is so overdue on eBay for £2 so she could get a male stripper.

I just had the worst gig of my life! I told yo mama jokes at the orphanage.

Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:

"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.

What do you call a Black man having a seizure?

Chocolate shake.