Comedy jokes
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
What the hell is this website? Do you all think these jokes are funny?
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home.
As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump's wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie.
As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him, and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him.
Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn't really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump's friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump's friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, "Aww, I'm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!"
What’s long, green, and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog’s fingers.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Stop saying "cheetah cheater" jokes. They suck!
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
Haha
Deez nuts!
So (DYM 132).
These jokes are nearly as dead as Steven Hawkings.
Your mom is so ugly, she's the reason he swerved.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
What do you call a black comedian?
Dark Humor.
Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?
Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.
What’s an orphan’s favorite Netflix show?
Fuller House.
Who used to say, "Who loves orange soda?" Kel loves orange soda. Yes, I do, do, do, doooo! Oh, yes! Oh, yes! Oh, yes, I dooooo! Kel Mitchell from Kenan and Kel.
Have you heard of the... uh Pokemon called uh rhy... rhy... Rhydon deez nuts?
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.