Comedy jokes

What's the difference between 5 cocks and a joke? I can't take a joke.

Harry Potter

Dobby: "Dobby never meant to kill, Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure!"

Jumanji

Coach Webb: "Ok, there's a lot wrong with that."

Iron Man: Where are you from?

Thor: Asgard.

Iron Man: Do you mean ass guard?

I have an account at the website Memedroid.

My name is J0K35FromWJE.

Feel free to follow me, and I WILL upload to Memedroid (I might not upload daily).

I will still make jokes here jlyk (just letting you know).

Ok here's your joke now...

What did one pizza say to the other when they were in bed?

"Can I have a pizza that ass?"

Here's a joke: Your life.

Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).

1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.

3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.

4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.

5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!

6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."

7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.

Note to all.

My name is Lariah. Lariah Carla Brown, 14 years old and I am 1 of triplets. I don't understand how rape jokes are funny, and I just want to make that statement clear. I also hate orphan jokes because I WAS one. Notice when I put WAS! I also see jokes about cancer, now I know you can't be kidding. You know that cancer is a disease that many people get and could die from, so you are just wrong about that!

The person who is reading this.

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting cow wh---

MOOOO!

Knock, knock? Who's there? French. French who? French fries!

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.

Why couldn't Sally get back up? Because she has no friends.

When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.

When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.

Why do people laugh at mountains?

Because they're HILLarious!

I have a really good joke.

Do you want to hear it?

Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.

What is cats and dogs' favorite story and movie?

"Romeow and Drooliet!"

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You have to be able to stand up.

I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!

I am an Indian joke.