Clothing jokes
They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.
They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
Q: What is it called when a hoe is getting ready for her party but doesn't know what to wear but is thinking about it? A: A thotprosses
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
The other day, I walked up to someone who looked lost and he had all scraggy clothes on. I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents, buddy."
Sister: "Has anyone seen my clothes?"
Brother: "They're still in my bed."
Jeff asks, "Did you hear about the guy they call the flash?"
Bob responds, "No, I haven't. Do they call him that because he runs fast?"
Jeff replies, "Nah, they call him that because he doesn't wear pants."
Two hats are next to each other. One hat says to the other, "Stay here, I'll go on ahead."
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
Yo mama's so fat, she irons her clothes on the driveway.
"Babe, is it in?" "Yeah." "Does it hurt?" "Uh-huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size."
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.
Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?
Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
I just shed my pants.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.
Why don’t mountains catch colds?
They wear snow caps.
My arms are just a different texture pack compared to my body.