Me: I must have a mirror in my jeans, 'cause I see you in my pants.
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
POV: You're at school and you just enjoy your day.
Now once you found a bully and he said, "I will burn you in fire," then you just punched him out of the school and got detention. You escaped and walked home, but the bully came and ROASTED you. He threw you in the garbage, but you took off his clothes and even his underwear. You escape the bin and took a shower and had a good day after.
Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.
The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.
"I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."
"I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."
The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.
"I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."
Why did the chicken explode? Because he pooped his pants!
I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"
What did the glove say to his girlfriend?
I glove you!
What’s brown, fuzzy, and wears sunglasses?
A coconut on vacation.
What did the shoe tell the feet?
"Put me on your feet!"
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart... it goes straight through your pants without leaving a hole.
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."
Where is this pic of me in my bra?
Do you want to wear my sombrero?
Or is that nacho style?
Pants!
How did the hamburger know he needed new pants?
His buns were too tight.
Tides right?
I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."
I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."
He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."
TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
