Clothing jokes
Little Johnny asked the teacher why you were no shirt. Teacher says, "Because I want to." The teacher drops her pencil and picks it up. The class starts laughing.
"What's so funny?" A kid took off your bra, and we see your squish sexy boobs.
What do you call it when a watch has too many belts?
A waist of your time.
Yo mama is so fat that when she walks, she causes earthquakes. She is so big that she has her own zip code and gravity field. She is so heavy that she needs a crane to get out of bed. She is so obese that she can't fit in any clothes, except for a circus tent. She is so large that she blocks the sun and causes eclipses.
Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.
Why did the blind woman get raped?
Because she didn't know she was wearing see-through clothes.
A guy goes to see his psychiatrist dressed only in bubble wrap. When he gets there, he asked the psych, "Can you please help me?"
The psych says, "No, I'm sorry, I can clearly see your nuts."
What does a house wear?
A dress.
What do my clothes and a depressed person not have in common?
My clothes don't hang themselves...
What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.
None.
Q: What do Mexicans love to wear in the air force?
A: Air Force Juans.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.