If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”
What do you call an octopus with a hat?
An octopus with a hat, of course.
What’s worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles
Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
You're so skinny, you use chapstick as deodorant.
I saw someone who was about to jump off a bridge. They were wearing a Nike "JUST DO IT" shirt.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
I tried to find a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.
What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?
A waist of time.
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
Hello, I am back with more mind-blowing facts.
1. Why are cookies called cookies and bacon called bacon when you bake cookies and cook bacon?
2. If you tuck your shirt into your trousers and it is called tucking your shirt in, does that mean if your shirt is over your trousers, doesn't that mean it's called tucking your trousers into your shirt?
What did Michael Jackson find on his bed?
Billie's Jeans.
I have a vest. If I cut off my arms, it's a jacket!
What's the difference between my ripped jeans and my arms?.
None.
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Bikini.
Bikini who?
Oh, that was just a bikini.
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
