Child jokes
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What kind of bride does the pedo icon like? A "maik order" bride. Why? The male part.
Memes
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
What is an orphan's favorite game?
Solitaire.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me!
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't run home.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"