Child jokes

Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?

Because the children kept calling me "daddy."

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

What do you call an orphan's family picture?

A selfie.

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they cannot find home.

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Don't see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.

If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too, though.

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?

A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.

She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"

Why did orphans play Poppy Playtime?

To get a family.

Why can't orphans play cricket?

Because they can't find home.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

Why can't orphans go to a friend's house?

Because they can't make themselves at home.

Mom: Let's have an adoption party!

Kid: *cries*

Mom: What's wrong?

Kid: I'M ADOPTED????

Why do orphans play with other kids on a playground?

So they will sneak into their parents' car to be a brother or sister.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find home.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."