Child

Child jokes

Orphan

"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.

Orphan

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

Owl

Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.

Teacher: Who?

Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!

Memes

Orphanage

Why am I banned from my Catholic orphanage?

Because the children kept calling me "daddy."

Pedophile

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

Orphan

Why can’t orphans ride bikes?

Because they don’t have parent supervision.

Orphan

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

Orgasm

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

Snake

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

Gun shop

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?

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  • Bus

    1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

    - A bus full of children.

    2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

    - He died of a yeast infection.

    3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

    - “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

    4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

    - Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

    5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

    - Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    Priest

    What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

    The devil always has horns... not just around children.