Child jokes
Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?
So they can spell "home."
Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
"Let girls live" is 9 years old, OMG, right?
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
What do you call an orphan's family picture?
A selfie.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
Why can orphans not play bingo?
Because they can't get a full house.
What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?
My big green pedo machine.
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?
Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.