Child jokes
What’s the difference between a baby and a refrigerator?
The refrigerator doesn’t squeal when I put my meat in it.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."
Why do eight-year-old girls wear panties with flowers on?
In loving memory of all the faces that were buried in there.
The parentless child stood as her orphanage was blown up by a kamikaze I had rented.
"Let girls live" is 9 years old, OMG, right?
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"
Why couldn't the orphan play baseball?
He could not find home.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Make them clap until their parents come back.
Me at an orphanage: I need to talk.
Orphan: My parents!
Me: You know that word?
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Tell an orphan: if you got no parents, clap your hands.
Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?
So they can spell "home."
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."