Child jokes
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
Why can’t orphans go on field trips? Because they need parent permission.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t know where home is...
"Stupid ass baby."
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
Does a midget count as an orphan?
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't run home.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
What do orphans not see on a controller?
The home button.
What did the Queen Bee of Destiny's Child say?
"I'm so crazy in love..."
Bowling is like child support: it involves balls.