Child jokes

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't run home.

Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.

Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.

Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?

Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

There are 206 bones in the human body.

207 when I'm at a nursery.

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

What do priests give children?

Syphilis.

My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

'Cause there's no home base...

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

One day, a man visited an orphanage.

Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"

The kid cries even harder.

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan.

What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?

Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.

Why do orphans like boomerangs more than their parents? The boomerang comes back.

One day I saw a kid cry, so I go, "Let's go find your parents." I miss my job at the orphanage.

Why do orphans get lost on boats? They can't find the home room.

I dressed up as Darth Vader at an orphanage and said, "I am your father!"