Child jokes
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
My parents raised me as an only child, which infuriated my sister.
I call my penis the truth because the truth always comes out of children’s mouths.
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
Why is it wrong to drive around in a van offering children candy?
Because you’ll have more success if you give out video games!
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.
Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
How do terrorists feed their kids?
"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
One day, a man visited an orphanage.
Then he sees a kid crying. The man asked, "Where are your parents?"
The kid cries even harder.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because there is no home plate.
What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?
One gets picked.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't run home.
Does a midget count as an orphan?
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.