Child jokes

Wife: "Did you notice that the child is actually not yours?"

Husband: "I've been suspecting this for a long time. Finally you admit it."

Wife: "What are you talking about? I asked you to pick up our child from the kindergarten. But the child you picked up is not ours!"

If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.

Why do leftists call their child Ariel?

So they can decide whether it wants to be a man, woman, mermaid, or washing powder.

Your family is so cheap that they won't even pay for the child support to keep you.

All the children ate at the Indian restaurant, except for Simon, because he was eaten by the restaurant owner.

A long-haired child once took a bite of Chuck Norris's brain. He later became known as Albert Einstein.

A father tells his 10-year-old son...

"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."

His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.

What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?

Project-childs.

(Projectiles)

Girl: "Daddy!"

Father: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"

Father: "Mhm!"

Woman: "Daddy?"

Father: "Of course?"

Woman: "I'm a girl too!"

Father: "Does God love children?"

Boy: "Yessss..."

What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.

Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.

A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane... and then the second!"

What’s the difference between air and a six year old?

Air has resistance.

An officer confronts two congressmen.

He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"

The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

Children are like pills.

The smaller they are, the easier they are to take.

How do terrorists feed their children?

"Here comes the airplane!"

How do terrorists feed their kids?

"Here comes the airplane, and here comes the second one."

Why aren't orphans good at poker?

Because they don't know what a "full home" is!

What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?

Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!