Child jokes

What does Michael Jackson like to use to clean himself? Baby wipes.

What are Michael Joseph Jackson's favorite songs? "Baby Love" and "Baby Talk to Me."

I regret my abortion.

I didn’t know child labor was an option.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.

What did a man say to his boy?

You are my son.

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?

They're both dangerous to children.

What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?

The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.

A little boy enters Michael Joseph Jackson's house with a doll, and Michael looks angrily at the boy. But the little boy says something that makes Michael jealous: "The girl is mine." Michael cries and asks the boy to leave. A child is saved, and more are, thanks to Conrad Murray and June 25th, dead pedophile day.

What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

What do you call a child version of Batman?

The Raped Crusader.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

What’s a reverse exorcism?

It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'

I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don’t know what a home looks like.

What has four legs and one arm?

A Rottweiler in a children’s playground.

Why can't the orphan take a family photo?

Answer: The orphan has no family to take a picture with.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.