Child jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
Q) What did the airplane say to the little boy?
A) Nothing, airplanes don't talk!
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
Today I saw my son lick out a tub of butter. I told him to make a sandwich without butter for a week (as a punishment). He said, "Okay," and licked the bread. "It's really easy to spread," he said. LOL!
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
What do you call an orphan with no legs in an adoption center?
Answer: Who cares?
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.
Why did Aaron's dad beat him? Because he tensed his ass.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.
When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?
Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a donut?
People want donuts.