Child jokes

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.

What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?

They will never grow up.

What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.

What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

What do you call an orphan with no legs in an adoption center?

Answer: Who cares?

What's small, brown and crispy?

A baby in an oven.

Why did Aaron's dad beat him? Because he tensed his ass.

I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"

Once, there was a Minecraft child molester on the Minecraft Facebook. He asks a kid his age. The kid blocks him.

I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

What’s the difference between an orphan and a donut?

People want donuts.

Why couldn't the orphan use the swing? Because they had no arms.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they will never get home.

Q: What's yellow and can't swim?

A: A school bus full of children.

I have eaten 6 babies, 9 adolescent children, and 2 infants in the past week ;p

What is more time-consuming than children?

Waiting for your wife to go into labor!

What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?

A school bus filled with children.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

I don't know, it depends on how hard you throw them.

When your wife gets pregnant and you don't want a kid, just come on down to Momma Mia's Pizzeria and abortion clinic!