Child jokes
What's the same about boxes and children?
They're both found in basements.
I hate child murderers, they're always so high-pitched.
A pedophile and a little boy are walking into the woods late at night. The little boy says, "I'm scared." The pedophile says, "You think you're scared? I have to walk back alone!"
What is an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang. Unlike its parents, it comes back.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Why are orphans not boomerangs? Because they never come back.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made "Billie Jean" or "Beat It", and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
He could never get a home run.
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.
Driving through the woods today, I saw a boy with a bare behind.
Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?
Cause that's the only way they get love.
What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't have a home base.
What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.
When an orphan takes a picture, it’s a family portrait.