Child jokes
What's the difference between an orphan and a Chinese kid?
The Chinese kid has a home.
Why do orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home plate.
There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."
Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.
Me: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, how did you know and what gave me away?
Me: Where's your parents?
Orphan: They died and I have a phone, why?
Me: Because it has a home button.
What has ten children crying, naked, and screaming for their parents?
My big green pedo machine.
Why can't orphans have babies?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.
Child predators: "You're so six-y."
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
If you're ever bored, just beat up an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.
What did I eat for breakfast yesterday?
10 year olds.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it could not find home.
Why can't orphans go to a friend's house?
Because they can't make themselves at home.
Why do priests perform baptisms? So they can see children wet.
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because there is no home.
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.
What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.
What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.
Speak to your dad before I put my hand up your ass!