Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
Where do Eagles send their children to study?
The Alpha birds.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."
What do you call an autistic daughter?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?
Because they cannot find home.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
Why can't an orphan play kickball?
Because they can't hit home.
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.
Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
Lil Johnny looked in his pants and couldn’t find his fish, so he started to yell out, "Lil fishy, lil fishy, lil fishy!" They called child support and sent the parents to jail for putting a fish up a child’s butt.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.
What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What do you call an orphan with no legs in an adoption center?
Answer: Who cares?
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
