Child jokes
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.”
Little Johnny looked up and replied, “Well, Ms Smith, you can’t say you weren’t warned!”
Tazzaro be like: Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't hit a home run.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
How hard can you throw them!
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
What's the difference between a child and a carrot? About 140 calories.
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6-year-old in the trunk of my car.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
"The rise of atheism is going to lead to a break down of social morals and lead to all kinds of filth, including an increase in child abuse," said the village priest.
The village scientists did some fact checking. In prison, they found roughly 70% of child abusers were hyper religious before committing the crimes, and another 20% converted to religions to look 'remorseful'. The remaining 10% preferred not to say. They presented the findings to the media.
"Scientists slander good religious folk and ignore the weight of evidence!"
"Is Science biased against religion? You decide in this survey," they reported.
The village priest is living at his majesty's convenience and tells the others he committed armed robbery.
"Why is this a joke? It's not even funny!" said the person reading this, breaking the forth wall.
What is funny is you got to the end of this post and didn't cringe. Why not?
I always use chloroform when stealing a child.
What do you call an autistic daughter?
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
Why can't an orphan play kickball?
Because they can't hit home.
This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."
Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?
Because they cannot find home.
I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't run home.